the worst thing

i can't stand my mother. i know it sounds horrible and even reading it right now makes me cringe but, ....it is what it is. i've tried soo hard for soo long to get along with her but i am too tired to try anymore. every time i think that our relationship is on the mend she does something to f*** it up. for example, in the most recent event, she bought us concert tickets to see santana. great, i thought. family outing, could be shitty, might be fun. it's 50/50. anyway, it wasn't so bad. we had fun. we talked laughed. in a moment of beer soaked stupidity i actually opened up to her and had what i thought was a normal mother-daughter friendly conversation. i talked told her about how the worst thing she could do to upset me is hang the phone up on me (which she does about 75% of the time we talk on the phone) anyway, so you're probably thinking, fee concert doesn't sound bad right? well, how could i be so dumb? that evil incarnate of a woman basically spent the whole next day making fun of me. it's like every moment was an opportunity for her to make some dig like, "don't you remember last night?", or "that's not what you said last night" or "maybe you shouldn't drink so much", accompanied by a sickening smirk. are you kidding bitch? you force me to the bottle!!! un-f**kng-believable!

in another instance, she has completely offended my trust by snooping in my old room back home and reading my journals!! after i said the worst thing was hanging up, oh no she was determined to prove me wrong. and wow, she did! is there anything more violating than having your mother read your private personal thoughts and secrets? i despise her. its no wonder why i have such trust issues. im so pissed right now i can't even explain it. i can't trust her at all. if you can't trust your mother, who can you trust? needless to say we got into a huge argument. right now as i type this, she just stomped across the floor upstairs and slammed the door. a very mature and effective way to communicate "would you turn the volume down, please?" this woman is certifiable.... god help me. i cannot move back into this house. i will literally kill myself, possible someone else, likely my mother! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh