the world is shrinking

you know that feeling you get when you see someone that looks familiar but you can't really place them? ya? well i get that feeling like everyday, 10Xs a day! this big town aint so big folks. either everyone is starting to look the same or i have seriously ran into everyone in this town on multiple occasions. its re-dic-u-lous.... i want anonymity, i crave it!! i don't wanna run into people i know, or people that know people that i know all the time!! lol. its time to pick up my roots. im sick of familiarity. im bored, and i need change!

*Like it was 1980*

i met dirt nasty... aka simon rex. it was amazing, he was shweaty... lol but umm ya, here's some pics.

hella fun concert with my betches!!

finding the BIGGER picture

some sentiments i try to live by are:
don't sweat the small stuff, look at the big picture, and at this point to risk sounding like a broken record, everything happens for a reason.
i don't try to preach or anything, but i really think that these are universal concepts because they pretty much apply to every situation imaginable. People, i think, tend to get caught up in the moment and tend to put too much energy into fretting over the little incidences that won't even matter 1 week, 1 day or even one hour from now. I think that we all tend to get caught up in ourselves and neglect to realize that there is a BIGGER PICTURE.

Before I went alumni from my sorority, I held the executive position which we called Pink Rose. It was, among other things, basically the chair of conflict management. I know it might sound ridiculous, but I learned a lot about the nature of people that semester. My motto became "Don't sweat the small stuff", and really, what isn't small? Everyone has their own problems, and all of us at times fail to see that others have problems just like ours. It's called empathy.

Think about it like this, we all have bad days, right? Well, next time you're having a bad day, rather than taking it out on someone and ruining their day as well, put things in perspective. I try and tell myself, when i start to feel overwhelmed or when my day takes a turn for the worse, that things can always be worse. It helps to give me perspective. I don't know if my theory works for everyone, but 99% of the time it works for me.

For example, I broke my phone recently, and i kept on complaining about it. But then i thought, well at least I have a phone. Better yet, at least I have people that care enough to call me so that I need a phone. It sounds silly, but honestly, if more people thought like this, i think there'd be a lot less drama and stress in all of our lives. Plus, it will give you a greater appreciation for things (not just material, I mean everything), and greater sympathy for those less fortunate.
I don't know really why I'm writing about this but next time I'm having a bad day it'll be good to look back at this I'm sure. Clearly, this attitude would have been advantageous prior to my last blog! lol...

Peace & sHibBy!

everything happens for a reason... or does it?

October 31st 2008---officially THE worst day of my life! without getting into too many details, i will say that it was the most humiliating, angering, and altogether shittiest day ever! as i've said before, i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. it makes sense right? even if it's not apparent at the moment, i've found that in hindsight things eventually make sense or have a way of working themselves out. but sometimes, on the rarest of occasions, shit happens. and thats it. nothing more can come of the situation, just SHIT! there's nothing to be learned, nothing gained, nothing accomplished, yada yada yada. so anyway, my hunch is telling me im probably overreacting, and maybe, just maybe, there might be a small chance that i can gather something from the shitfest of that night. but right now i'm refusing to see things in that light. cynical, maybe, well yes actually, but i don't care. and for all the eternal optimists out there... save it! i don't wanna hear the rose colored glasses babble right now--it will only piss me off that much more. im in a "glass half empty" state of mind right now. bleh..... ya know what, i already feel better just letting that out. lol...

In the midst of history

i just got back from the polling place and i cant help but feel so excited and proud! i know it sounds a bit cheesy but we are truly witnessing history being made. i know that either way the chips fall our country will be changed. i just hope its for the better. i've never been too much into politics but i don't know one person who doesn't have a vested interest in this election. No matter who you vote for or who wins i just want to say thank you as one American to another. thank you for practicing the right that has been preserved for us through the sacrifice and perseverance of so many! but i just have to add.... GO OBAMA*BIDEN!! :)

Make a difference

the worst thing

i can't stand my mother. i know it sounds horrible and even reading it right now makes me cringe but, ....it is what it is. i've tried soo hard for soo long to get along with her but i am too tired to try anymore. every time i think that our relationship is on the mend she does something to f*** it up. for example, in the most recent event, she bought us concert tickets to see santana. great, i thought. family outing, could be shitty, might be fun. it's 50/50. anyway, it wasn't so bad. we had fun. we talked laughed. in a moment of beer soaked stupidity i actually opened up to her and had what i thought was a normal mother-daughter friendly conversation. i talked told her about how the worst thing she could do to upset me is hang the phone up on me (which she does about 75% of the time we talk on the phone) anyway, so you're probably thinking, fee concert doesn't sound bad right? well, how could i be so dumb? that evil incarnate of a woman basically spent the whole next day making fun of me. it's like every moment was an opportunity for her to make some dig like, "don't you remember last night?", or "that's not what you said last night" or "maybe you shouldn't drink so much", accompanied by a sickening smirk. are you kidding bitch? you force me to the bottle!!! un-f**kng-believable!

in another instance, she has completely offended my trust by snooping in my old room back home and reading my journals!! after i said the worst thing was hanging up, oh no she was determined to prove me wrong. and wow, she did! is there anything more violating than having your mother read your private personal thoughts and secrets? i despise her. its no wonder why i have such trust issues. im so pissed right now i can't even explain it. i can't trust her at all. if you can't trust your mother, who can you trust? needless to say we got into a huge argument. right now as i type this, she just stomped across the floor upstairs and slammed the door. a very mature and effective way to communicate "would you turn the volume down, please?" this woman is certifiable.... god help me. i cannot move back into this house. i will literally kill myself, possible someone else, likely my mother! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

single in scrapramento

it's like the opposite of sex and the city...is it just me or what?! i've given up hope on this town... no offense but guys here SUCK! they are all someone else's scraps. like little portions of people that used to be whole but then chunks got taken away and now they are bitter and stale and ick.

here's a perfect example: the other night i meet this guy --- k, let me interject for a moment and mention that i have been meeting far too many divorcees w/ kids! ugh, what gives?? i DO NOT need that mess... no baggage please! again, no offense! so anyway, back to guy 'A', the fact that he's divorced with a kid isn't even the ringer. oh no folks, best part is that within 10 minutes of meeting him i pretty much knew what car he drove, what zip code he lived in, what he did for a living (work from home....rite), that he owned a boat, and his net worth. oh and did i mention the invite back to his place.... GAG!!!!!!!!!!!! Need i mention i did not ask any questions that would warrant the aforementioned answers!? Puh-lease, if you think im the type of person that is impressed by that bullshit you are talking to the wrong lady, mister!!

my question, if i recall correctly, was "what song are you doing karaoke?" anyway, this loser proceeds to ask me back to his "place"." so my next question, "wouldn't you like to know my name? or is that usually unnecessary information in your books?" well, that made him feel like an ass. which is amazing because you would think it would be pretty hard to do considering he probably does that on a daily basis all on his own. he scampered away like a puppy with his tail between his legs.

so, next guy, guy 'B', is over playing beer pong and so me and my friend decide to go hop on the table for the next round. The guys were cool and said that'd be fine. so we go about our business waiting for the table to open up. next thing i know, the bartender comes up to me and my friend and says "those guys said you're paying for the pitchers. it's $16." my jaw just about hit the floor!!! the effin nerve! i swear to you if looks could kill i was on oozie with the looks i was shooting these guys! B@NG! haha. anyway, the guys tried to say that the challenger buys but we weren't having it. so, loserface bets us that if we win he'll pay. we won beer pong. as for finding a decent guy in sac, looks like a losing battle. let me just say that the beerpong guys didn't actually end up being so bad but really? way to make a first impression guys...

**after re-reading this, MAN! i sound like a maneating, bitter betty, right beyotch!! lol but i dont care... im still posting it lol

the gameplan Pt. 2

so it turns out just when i think i have everything figured out the universe likes to throw me for a loop. i thought i was so sure that i should move back to the bay and finish school. and i was set on the idea that i'd have a job set up too, because the salon i mentioned before has been calling me trying to set up an interview. then BAM, that's all out the window.... i go into work the other day and my boss wanted to talk to me. i have to say i was caught off guard a little bit. i have been meaning to ask her for a raise and i've been talking myself up in my head for weeks now, but i just keep chickening out. anyway, i thought for sure that i would be the one who would initiate that conversation. low and behold, you can imagine my surprise when my manager said that she wanted to promote me to lead front desk coordinator!

CRAZY. it just proves my theory that everything really does happen for a reason. Why did i wait so long without talking to my manager? why didn't i ever call that other salon? why haven't i gotten a second job like i've been meaning to? so now what do i do? i absolutely want the promotion and i couldn't be more thrilled! but as for my gameplan... if im making more money in sac then it changes things slightly. i will be able to finish school here i think. SHIT! why am i so indecisive!? well, either way i will definitely be here through the holidays. as i said before, my lease is up in january. so i guess i will wait and see what opportunities 2009 will bring me. until then...............

Summer wrap up

so i've been playing around on my mac and i figured out how to make a slideshow!  i know to all those tekkies out there it must be completely elementary but i'm pretty proud of it so bleh!  lol.  its kinda like a video scrapbook. i had such an awesome summer! some of the pics are from my birthday, new york, wine tasting in napa, my friend megan's bday, random nights out, rivercats game, the city...  my fav part was finding songs to fit different parts of the video.  i swear there's music streaming in my head 24:7.  it doesn't stop. i think i could find the perfect song for every occasion... TRY ME! it's my life's soundtrack lol... anyway, check out my lil creation.  

go ahead and call me an amateur youtuber, but i don't care! i loves it! hee ;} 

the Gameplan

so it may have taken a while, about a year to be exact, but i think i've decided what i'm gonna be doing for the next year of my life.  give or take a few months... anyway, so the plan is to take some classes at ARC.  i've already got them lined up and they start in Oct. 18th.  i know some people might think "big deal", but it sort of is for me.  it's taken me a while to get back on track but hey... baby steps, i say.  when this semester ends, and my lease is up in January, i'll be moving back to the bay and transferring to CSU, East Bay.  it's close to home and thus convenient.  not the best reason i know, but it's the most feasible at this point.  both financially, and with concern to time.  i just want to finish my degree!  i've worked for far too long, and spent far TOO MUCH to give up on it.  Not that that was ever even an option.  

Anyway, i'm really happy because i don't feel like i'm just kind of along for the ride anymore.  i feel like i've taken the reigns and i'm guiding my future a little bit more.  until now, it wasn't even really a path i was on but more of a gust of wind blowing every which way, and yet no where at all.  not a fruitful use of my time...  at least not in terms of building my future.  i don't regret* anything that has happened in the last year--i've attained great new friendships, memories, and done some great things, but nothing i really consider accomplished.  but i guess it all depends on your definition.  

*not a word that fits well into my vocabulary-- i don't believe in it because it conflicts with my theory that everything happens for a reason

a lil bit 'bout me

i am...

23. student. chocoholic. irish. tall. cancer. chanel.

i want... to travel. i have... wanderlust. i wish... i could live in nyc! i hate... hate. i fear...spiders. i search... for the meaning to life! lol i wonder... how so many people on the road got licensed. i regret... not much. lifes too short... i love... my friends and family. i ache... in my head. i always... brush my teeth before bed :) i usually... never answer my phone... sorry :/ i never hear it! i am not... afraid to say how i feel most of the time. i dance... in the rain, on the bar, in the car, at the club, in my room... hehe i sing... in my car. i never... say never. i rarely.... keep the same nail polish more than 2 days haha. i cry... when im sad and when im happy. i am not always... the most optimistic person but i try to be. i lose... my earrings all the time, and half the time they end up in my shirt (it's all the dancing i swear lol!) i'm confused... about what to do with my life once i graduate! i need... to be loved :} i should... go to bed... i'm thinking... that sounds like a great idea

on a side note... this was my horoscope for today. i thought it was interesting how pertinent it is to my current state of mind... very interesting

CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22)

You may feel as if you need to figure out where you are going as your long-term goals seem to grow in significance. It can be enjoyable to talk about the possibilities that lie ahead, even if you don't actually follow up on your ideas. Don't worry about meeting anyone else's expectations; just allow yourself the luxury of exploring your fantasies.

INsoMniAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

my mind reels when i lay in bed.  i'm pretty sure that's why i can't sleep.  i literally can't turn my thoughts off long enough for my eyes to close!  i leave the t.v. on sometimes or my ipod just so the noise will drown out my thoughts but lately that hasn't even been working.  it's no use, my head is all over the place.  here's an example of my thought process, try to keep up:

[watching T.V.]

"what movie is this... reminds me of forrest gump... what's that one song i like from that movie? how's it go... "stop children what's that sound"... ya thats it!... who sings that?...im gonna download that now before i forget... oh and that other song i heard today...NOT paperplanes, ugh! i swear if i hear that one more time i'll--i'll write another blog about it (lol)... that reminds me, i haven't blogged in a few days... hey i wonder who's on spyspace right now... new comments, yes!....i really should put up a new profile pic... oh ya, sacscene was at the bar the other night, wonder if the pics are up yet, and i wonder why that guy never called me, err, wait did i give him my #, or did he give me his??? oh well...what is today? the 16th? ya the pics should be up by now... holy shnikes! its only the 16th... that means i don't get paid for another 9 DAYS... oi vey... shit did i pay my visa bill.... uugghhhh" 

[looks at the clock, holy crap balls... its 6:59am... work at 8:30] 

looks like another sleepless night pour moi.... eesh.  i think i'm subconsciously preoccupying myself with these arbitrary thoughts to avoid the real big things i should be asking myself... but i don't want to talk about it... so i'll continue the madness, and sleeplessness.

"you have a blue aura"

someone told me told me that the other day and it was the strangest thing.  i thought, "okay psycho... you're drunk".  i was at a bar, needless to say, and i just brushed it off as some lame line.  then, today i was bored and thought, im curious what the hell a blue aura means, so i googled it.  sure enough, it was pretty accurate in terms of the way i generally approach others and the way i think.  WEIRD!  

anyway, thats my random thought of the day.  on a side note, "bridge to terabithia", or as i now call it TEAR-abithia, is the sadest movie ever, especially considering its a kid flick. (i've had insomnia lately and i've been watching a lot of movies, ha!)  when i read that book in elementary school i seriously do not remember it being that sad, geez!  if you ever feel the need to see it, be forewarned, lol...

k, and lastly, why is it that EVERY TIME i get into my car these days M.I.A.'s "paperplanes" or Savage's "swing" is playing, and im not exaggerating, its literally everytime i turn my car on... enough is ENOUGH!  haha... k well, im off to go hang out with some more aura reading, beer drinking bar hoppers... peace out homz!  xxoo

   

back so soon?

k, so i lied.  can't sleep.  possibly because the slim fast i drank for dinner has my stomach turning in knots like you would not believe!! ugh... and before you say anything, yes i know your still supposed to eat!  but i found myself in a pickle the other day when i had to choose between filling up the green monster (aka my gas guzzling ford explorer), or filling up my stomach for a week.  now you see my predicament? oh the joys of being a student!  these gas prices are killing me, literally!  if i have to choose one more time between a tank of gas or a pantry of groceries im gonna have the big one!  anyway, as i'm lying here awake with my belly grumbling i thought i'd do some much needed catch up on the daily news of the celebrity kind, and to my horror i discovered that my lover, Channing Tatum, proposed to his (hooker!) gf of three years.... sadness.  i thought he knew we were destined to be together :*(  damn you, jenna dewan.  now i am really off to bed-- with an empty stomach and a broken heart *sniff*   

web+log=weblog=we blog... ah-ha!

so..... this is blogging.  ha!  i guess i don't really have much of anything exciting to say, YET that is.  but i'll keep you posted...  but on a random note, lately i've been seriously considering moving back to the bay.  i feel like i have outgrown sacramento.  it's so stagnant here.  for me, anyway.  but to each his own, i guess.  i think i would be much happier there.  then again as the saying goes, "happiness alludes those who seek it."  so i guess i won't be looking for happiness but rather the places, people, and things that make me happy.... and i sorta haven't pinned them all down yet.  eesh, what a fricken paradox!  anywho, so i've been looking into this spa coordinator job at a salon back in the bay.  i figure i'm pretty much a shoe-in for the job and that way at least i'm guaranteed to have something set up if (er, um, when...?!) i move back.  that way i can finish school, save my money and do the things i dream to do.  and for the record, i'm not saying i'm unhappy here in sac.  the thing is, i just feel like something is missing.  mostly i think it's money.  i need a crash course in "how-to-save-your-scrilla" ugh.  im horrible at it... what's a girls to do?  welp, i think my insomnia is wearing off and sleep is kickin in.  

gosh i feel like gossipgirl lol!  xoxo